The heat is upon us in Raleigh, N.C., which is a wonderful reminder that summer is here!

It is also a gentle reminder to plan your summer vacation. With summer vacation planning, you need to pull out your child custody order or your parenting agreement. Be sure to review it to see what is required for vacations. Often there is a required notice period to give the other parent. Since those notice periods can vary, it’s good to take a look at it now and plan accordingly.

If you find that you have missed the deadline for notice or that you want to plan something that would not follow the agreement you have in place, call the other parent and see if you can agree on the change. If an agreement is reached, just be sure to send an email memorializing your agreement.

If you get a call from the other parent about making a change, remember that parenting is a two-way street. You may need a favor soon . . . not to mention don’t you want your child to have a fun vacation during the summer?

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Most breakups have a degree of hurt feelings, anger, and drama. Do you want your attorney to make these issues better or worse?

Yes, it feels good to know that your spouse was given a hard time for something that he or she did, but ultimately, does that get you any closer to your goals? Does it help you pay the bills? Does it help your kids?

As attorneys we are to zealously represent our clients, and you need to decide what that means to you. At our law firm, it means that we help our clients reach their goals in the most cost effective manner possible with consideration given to the client’s future. We do consider ourselves peacemakers, not pot stirrers.

Sometimes peacemakers cannot achieve peace, and the case must go to court. Does that mean we take a nuclear approach? No, we don’t. Quite frankly, most judges do not even appreciate that kind of approach. We get our job done in a respectful manner because that is the best way for our client to achieve their goals and embrace their new future.

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Most children experience considerable distress in the early stages of a break-up; however, a child’s long term adjustment to a break-up can vary. One factor that can help is the parent being in touch with the child’s feelings during the process.

The American Psychological Association’s 2009 Stress in America Survey reveals that parents (including but not limited to divorcing parents) frequently do not know what their children feel.

If parents’ are not in touch with their children’s feelings, how are they going to know how they are coping in the break-up? Children experience most of the same feelings that parents do during a break-up–fear, sadness, anger. As parents we are all asked to do a lot, and during a break-up, it takes a concerted effort to be in touch with how your child is feeling.

The thought that children are innately resilient and that their age alone enables them to bounce back easily from tough situation is just a myth. Parents need to be sure that they are not reading their emotions as their children’s, and the more you can protect your children from the conflict, continue quality parenting, and find out how your children feel.

Remember–your children did not choose to break-up.

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A friend of mine, Bob Wattral, sent me an article from MSN Money titled,  ”A recession divorce: no one wants the house.” (A link to the article is below) It is a good article discussing the difficulty with handling the house when parties divorce. The house is often an emotionally difficult issue, but these days it is also a financially difficult one. Houses sit on the market for a year or longer. Houses are no longer worth what they were purchased for just a couple of years ago. People loose their jobs and the pay to cover the mortgage is gone.  Attorneys try to do their best to predict what will be financially beneficial to his or her client; however, we cannot predict the future. This article has basic tips on your options when you are divorcing.

To me the more interesting part of the article is the discussion. All I can say is wow. I know these feelings are out there, but I was just shocked that such a mundane article would bring out such strong feelings. I guess that’s my daily reminder that divorce is the most difficult time that most people will ever go through. Our firm’s commitment to minimizing the difficulty of divorce is a commitment that must be renewed every day for the sake of our clients!

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/HomeFinancing/a-recession-divorce-no-one-wants-the-house.aspx?GT1=33006

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Time Magazine recently published an article entitled, “Facebook and Divorce: Airing the Dirty Laundry” which is an excellent article that I recommend to anyone divorcing or considering divorce. Remember that everything  you post wills stay on the web, which is why I suggest you be careful about what you post even when you are considering a separation. Recently, our firm has used MySpace pictures in a custody trial to demonstrate that “devoted mom” was actually a party animal who left her child with babysitters. Along with this evidence and other items, our client was able to go from being a weekend dad to being an equal caretaker of his daughter.

Here is a link to the full article: www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1904147,00.html

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