On April 15, 2010, the following document was issued by the Obama administration: Memorandum to Secretary of Health and Human Services: Respecting the Rights of Hospital Patients to Receive Visitors and to Designate Surrogate Decision Makers for Medical Emergencies. President Obama mandated that any hospital that receives Medicare or Medicaid funding (basically all hospitals) extend visitation rights to the partners of gay men and lesbians. (Applies to opposite sex partners as well.)

As I am preparing for a talk in September on the rights of unmarried individuals in N.C., I’m finding all sorts of interests tidbits. I will continue to pass them on so that you can discuss amongst yourselves.

It’s an interesting idea. I don’t know that this has been tried here in any local counties, but I would suggest that it is not a bad idea. Yes, it sounds nice to say that someone is going to go to jail for not supporting their child. It shoulds like justice, right? Well, how does being in jail help the child who is entitled to support? If someone is willing to offer a repayment plan and get back on track, that may just be a better option than putting them in jail.

Keep in mind the option of jail is always there if the people do not live up to the plans of repayment that are established. Congrats to Marion county for trying something to collect money for the children!

It is also a gentle reminder to plan your summer vacation. With summer vacation planning, you need to pull out your child custody order or your parenting agreement. Be sure to review it to see what is required for vacations. Often there is a required notice period to give the other parent. Since those notice periods can vary, it’s good to take a look at it now and plan accordingly.

If you find that you have missed the deadline for notice or that you want to plan something that would not follow the agreement you have in place, call the other parent and see if you can agree on the change. If an agreement is reached, just be sure to send an email memorializing your agreement.

If you get a call from the other parent about making a change, remember that parenting is a two-way street. You may need a favor soon . . . not to mention don’t you want your child to have a fun vacation during the summer?

Yes, it feels good to know that your spouse was given a hard time for something that he or she did, but ultimately, does that get you any closer to your goals? Does it help you pay the bills? Does it help your kids?

As attorneys we are to zealously represent our clients, and you need to decide what that means to you. At our law firm, it means that we help our clients reach their goals in the most cost effective manner possible with consideration given to the client’s future. We do consider ourselves peacemakers, not pot stirrers.

Sometimes peacemakers cannot achieve peace, and the case must go to court. Does that mean we take a nuclear approach? No, we don’t. Quite frankly, most judges do not even appreciate that kind of approach. We get our job done in a respectful manner because that is the best way for our client to achieve their goals and embrace their new future.

The American Psychological Association’s 2009 Stress in America Survey reveals that parents (including but not limited to divorcing parents) frequently do not know what their children feel.

If parents’ are not in touch with their children’s feelings, how are they going to know how they are coping in the break-up? Children experience most of the same feelings that parents do during a break-up–fear, sadness, anger. As parents we are all asked to do a lot, and during a break-up, it takes a concerted effort to be in touch with how your child is feeling.

The thought that children are innately resilient and that their age alone enables them to bounce back easily from tough situation is just a myth. Parents need to be sure that they are not reading their emotions as their children’s, and the more you can protect your children from the conflict, continue quality parenting, and find out how your children feel.

Remember–your children did not choose to break-up.

Now to all those thinking about getting married, don’t worry. I would be shocked if this actually became a law. Just one of those interesting tidbits out there regarding the work of the legislature. I would suggest that if these individuals actually want to change the divorce rate, consulting with a divorce attorney or two could help provide some better options.

Katherine,

Thank you to you and your entire team for all of your help in getting my case resolved. I truly appreciate all that was done to bring the matter to conclusion.

Very, very nice way to start off the day. Thank you client!

First, let me be clear that a custody case is one that parties should work hard (and press their attorneys hard) to settle. You’re going to deal with the other parent for the rest of your life, and having a showdown in court is not the best way to show your child how much you love them.

There are several things that you can do to prepare for custody trial. Below is a brief summary of tangible exhibits that you can collect to take to your attorney:

1. Pictures: action shots that reflect your relationship with your child, that reflect your family/friends with your child, or that reflect important events in your child’s life;

2. Artwork: any artwork that reflects the child’s feelings toward you or shows pictures of your relationship with your child;

3. Cards/gifts from your child;

4. Videos: similar to the types I mention above with pictures;

5. Calendars: schedules for your child’s activities or notes you have made on a calendar of your custody arrangement with the other parent; and

6. Emails between you and your child or you and the other parent.

You should have lengthy meetings with your attorney to prepare for any custody trial, but above is a list of items that you can start collecting even before you have an attorney.

With news like this, I am often asked by clients about their ability to pursue the same claims and “make the other person pay,” so I wanted to stop an analyze this verdict for a moment. The wife won a judgment for $9 million. The alleged girlfriend did not appear at the trial, so I’m estimating that the wife’s attorney’s fees were a little less than normal; however, the wife still probably paid between $10,000 and $5,000 in legal fees to get this piece of paper. I mean that’s all a judgment is–a piece of paper. Now the wife has to go find assets of the lady, who is no longer a resident of North Carolina.

In one article the alleged girlfriend stated that the verdict was “hysterical.” I don’t know a thing about the case, but I’m guessing the girlfriend has little to no assets to actually execute on so Wife can get ANY money. The best part . . . the girlfriend now indicates that she is going to appeal. Wife is likely going to have to spend another $5000-$10,000 to defend the appeal.

With this information, does the verdict really seem like much of a win? Certainly doesn’t appear to have any financial gain for the wife.

This client starts to fight about minor things–just to prolong the fight. The client often makes general statements without the ability to give any specific examples. The client starts taking out his or her frustration out on you and your staff. This client persists in providing information on issues that are not legally relevant to the case.

The reality is that the other spouse is ready to just have it over. That spouse may be offering a great financial deal-just to have it over. The “difficult client” spouse is just not ready to stop fighting. Quite frankly, I can understand from a personal standpoint. I’ve been in arguments where I haven’t said my thoughts when the other person says “I’m done,” and walks away. Oh boy, I’m not done, so I follow sharing my thoughts as that person leaves the room. I was just not ready for the argument to be over.

This client is my greatest reminder that this process is an emotional one more than a legal or financial one for some people. For these clients, I just do not know if any attorney can help get them to the end. Settlement has to happen at just the right time, and for a client like this settlement is not going to come in the early days of the case.

I’ve had at least 2 or 3 clients like this in the past, and sometimes I’ve battled through to the bitter end, and sometimes I’ve cut bait. It’s at times like this that I wish I had a psychologist on my staff to join in every meeting with that client as I believe that may be the only solution. It’s impossible for me to do my job unless my client is ready to settle the case, which is a difficult pill for most attorneys to swallow.